05.04.07 - 15:24

Smoked pot (told his children he never did)

Went school in Colorado. Broke his hand when punched a chair because he was mad at a neighbor.

Turned in Christy's boss for tax evansion becasue he was mad her and wanted her to lose her job.

Took Ryan to Disney on Ice for his birthday. Did this more than once.

Let me have a second child.

Didn't make me go to work.

Had an affair with Francis Davis, a neighbor. Tried to make me feel sorry for her. She is from Guam. He likes Asian girls.

Got accepted to AECP.

Moved us to Texas. Spend nearly every waking minute at school.

Wouldn't come home when I called to say bugs where coming out of the ceiling.

Took us on a bike ride after Thanksgiving dinner. It rained, I was so happy that day.

Had another affair witha girl named MIchelle (can't remember her last name). Another AECP student. He said she wrote his techinal writing paper. Said if he did it his GPA would have suffered.

Got pissed on days I didn't take Ryan to Karate class. He never took Ryan not even once.

Went to Ryan's school to see him in a play.

Moved us to Ft. Lewis at my request so I could be near my family.

Threw a rolled up sleeping bag at my head while I was standing in the driveway because he was pissed I wouldn't go to school full time but was only taking two classes.

Had an affair with my sister. Said she would write him dirty letters when he was in officer school and I wouldn't.

Went to Thailand TDY. Slept with a hooker, probably a child but I can't verify that. Had sex with upon returning. Confessed about he hooker when something showed up on his penis and he was concerned I'd get something.

Smuggled makong back into the country inside a box intended to hold rolls of printer paper.

Took me to see Nanci Griffth

He confessed about the affair with my sister after she tried to kill herself and he knew I'd find out. Told me about MIchelle when he thought my sister was going to tell me.

Got pissed at me in the commissary because he said I was mumbling. Started yelling at me. I left and started walking home. He raced after me in the car. I thought he was going to run me over and had to jump out of the way.

Moved us back to Utah. Stayed with Carol Jennings while our house was being built.

Grabbed James by the throat, lifted him off his feet and pinned him against the wall because James was upset someone drank is Soda. James was 9 years old.

Spent every waking minute at school. Our children began to ask if he even came home at night.

Told me James was 10 that he never wanted another child but caved because I was desperate to have one.

Thought he might be having an affair with a girl named Sally but wasn't sure.

Had numerous incidents with road rage. Once got out on the 6th south exit and got into a fight with a guy who made him mad.

A a fist fight with a guy who made him imss the left turn light for Main Street onto Hillfield road because he was kissing his girlfriend. He got a black eye.

Told me that one time he forced a guy over then got out to yell at him but thought better of it when the guy showed him a gun. Had my kids with him then.

Another time got into a pissing match with a semi truck to forced us off the road. Tha time we were all in the car.

Came into James's room and smashed the crap out of the TV remote control becasue James had chewed on the end of it. Told James it was ruined. Beat it on the end of the bed several times then threw it at James.

Tried to kill himself.

Spent a month in the hospital on Hill AFB. I did everything he asked while he was bedridden. Told me everyday he wanted a divorce.

Got hysterical and destroyed the dining room chairs that had belonged to my grandmother. My dad still doesn't know. I tried to tell him once but he wasn't listening.

Moved to Nebraska. Said his kids to go or stay but we all know he didn't want them to go. Helped me buy a new car before he left.

Came home for Ryan's graduation. This is when I learned he was living with a girl he'd met here and moved there to be with him.

He had an affair with at least one Chinese girl. One ended up with him in Nebraska. She called me when He returned to Utah for Ryan's graduation. She told me he was trying to get with some other girl and called me a bitch all the time. I told her I didn't care who was with and he called me a bitch to my face on many occaisions and to never call me again.

Tried to kill himself again.
Asked me why I didn't come to Nebraska to see him. Told him I saw him everyday the first time and was told every time that he wanted a divorce and I didn't want to hear that any more.

Arranged for a legal separtion. Gave me enough alimony and paid the child support on time. Always.

Came home to see his kids every 3 months or so.

Told me that he knew how he felt after the girl he was living with cheated on him. He has no idea. He ruined my entire family. My mother was always so good to him and he ripped her heart out.

Came home for a visit once and made the boys strip the front porch rails and repaint them. I didn't ask for that. No one did. The boys were sorry he came.

Came home once and went to Ryan's work and threw a fit because they wouldn't let him take the day off. Bought rat poison but couldn't drink it.

Came home once and cornered James in the kitchen. Grabbed a frying pan and tried to force James to take it and him with it. James refused and refused. He kept screaming at him. I told him to stop it and to leave James alone. He told me not to interfer with him and his kids.

Told him not to bring alcohol to my house. Poured his whiskey down the sink. He went out and bought beer and hid it in the garage.

Recently James told me his father gave him beer when he visited him in Nebraska. I believe he was 15 and that his father gave bought him vodka when he visited in Hawaii. James was 19 or 20.

James also told me that his father told him he was pulled over for a random check at the gate to the base in Colorado but they didn't find his alcohol which he has hidden beneath the center console that is busted and lifts out.

On my part I now understand that I wasn't a giving wife. He demanded so much adoration but it is hard to respect much less adore someone who so mean. He once told me you can respect someone if you don't fear them at least a little. He thought the two were the same. It's true we were afraid of him. Lots of people were. I"m sure lots are now. He likes to say that he knows people, he knows hoe to get them to do what he wants but his family fell apart. He failed at the most important relationships because we knew who and what he really is. I believe that now we mostly feel sorry for him. He'll never acheive enough to prove to himsefl that he is worthwhile. He'll never be able to repair all that he has destoryed. He'll drink himself to death.

Every time we fought he'd scream "What do you want?" My answer was always the same. "A nice guy." He's not one

I find it odd that a man who cheated in school, cheated on his wife and his family, who stole, lied and did whatever it took to get what he wanted was allowed to teach at the Academy.

I don't think about him much any more. I've discovered that whenever James sayas anything about him I have nightmares that night about him.

I admit that I'm not guilt free. I stopped being able to give him anything after he cheated with my sister. I stayed out of fear. Fear of not being able to survive. Fear of the boys not having a father. Ultimately the longer I was with him the more it was obvious that he just wasn't worth the effort. Nothing absolutely nothing I gave him would evr make him into a nice guy.